My room smells like vodka and shame
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
