I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
