She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
