Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
