what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
