The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize