Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
