I just saw a hot homeless man
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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