it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
