I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
