Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
