I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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