We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
