I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
