dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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