you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
