In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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