You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
