i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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