I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
we're so committed to being not committed
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
