omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
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