Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
