i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize