Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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