Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
