the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I touched a dick in church today
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
