saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize