Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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