at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
