Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
