We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize