I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
