Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
