i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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