So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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