Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
