actually, I'm a sock model
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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