i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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