Plan B is the new Plan A
okay pat passed out under dana's car
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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