ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
