yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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