did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
i believe in u and ur pee
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
