I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
