i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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