Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
