Need sex. Gaining weight.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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