I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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