i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Randomize
