He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
