I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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