butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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