Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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