Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
