hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
You're a waste of cheezeits
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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