I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
