Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
