just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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