You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
