Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
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