Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
