me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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