i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
