It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
