I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
