I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
