i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
