she looked like the before picture.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
