All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
