She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
