You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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